A diary never read

I'd like to go back in time and ask you  

Did you read the diary I wrote while you were sleeping? 

It was a strange day in June when the sun was shining brightly.

My sister woke up in despair and said to me : 

--I felt and saw that he was saying goodbye and kissing you on the head.  

Then my older sister's cell phone rang and we went to the hospital all my family around 7 am the doctor came out and said: 

--The night before he had a heart attack but he was able to resist, unfortunately, this morning it was not the same.

At that moment I felt like my heart was breaking, a deep pain in my chest and while the first tear came out I felt like a part of my life was breaking forever, until now I feel an emptiness that neither tears nor good memories can fill.

The grieving process has been difficult and I still ask myself :

What would our lives be like if you were still here? 

I wish you were here just for a moment to feel your embrace, your smile, your hands playing an instrument.... Just to hear your voice one more time.... 

When my brother was in intensive care, I started to write him a diary so that when he woke up he will know what we were doing, what was happening during the days he was in the hospital and sedated, a diary he could never read...

I once had a brother that I would like to tell how much I love him and  to give him a memorable last goodbye.

The grieving process is painful because there are days like this when I remember you and I can only smell your perfume and see your room.  

I miss you and carry you always with me. 

Your dear sister : 

Eli 

"Life is a noise between great silences"

-Isabel Allende